I’m not someone with a third-eye. But last night, maybe due to the tiring 3-hour ordeal traversing Manila traffic, I felt different as I went to bed.
At around 2AM, for no reason whatsoever, I suddenly woke up. And there it / he / she was. White as snow. Walking past me. I was really scared.
Out of reflex, I blinked my eyes to check if I really saw what I saw. The thing stopped, suddenly aware I was looking. And it slowly…stared back. Big dark, black eyes staring back at me. It didn’t move…it just stared at me. Stared DOWN at me specifically. It was almost right above me. Waiting for I don’t know what.
It was not a dream. I slowly reached out to feel my youngest daughter by my side – she was sound asleep. Only consolation I could think of was that at least I was the only one who was experiencing this. I didn’t want to move. Time moved so slow.
How did it come to this?
Our childhood fears and insecurities have a way of suddenly resurfacing without warning just when we thought we are over them.
As a child, maybe you felt envy when your sibling received a better gift. And without realizing it, you are now always comparing your financial status to others.
As a student, maybe you were embarrassed when you couldn’t give an answer when your teacher called you in front. Now many years later, you still can’t stand in front of people.
It’s strange that something that happened many years ago will still have control over us. But that’s how it is. Until we accept our fear, take a stand and say, ‘It ends today!’, we will continue to be that scared child many years ago…no matter our age.
It’s hard to make this transition of course. And for most of us, we never quite conquer it. So we just find ways to adapt instead. And most of the time, that’s good enough.
I remember, many decades ago, I was playing with my friends when I felt something fall on my neck. As I grabbed it, I realized it was moving. So I did what any kid would do – swat it away as hard as I could. Poor thing…it was able to run away. But its tail broke off and the tail remained wriggling in my neck. Thus began the Lifelong Ivan’s Zany Apprehension for Reptiles Dropping (L.I.Z.A.R.D. for short).
Last night, all my childhood fears came back as this white thing stared down at me from our ceiling with its dark, black eyes. It was probably more scared of me than I was of it. But it didn’t matter.
Damn you, lizard. You just made me a child again.
*Sending humor, hugs, and positive vibes to everyone.* 🙂